Saturday, August 26, 2006

"wow, she must miss you a lot..."

Whooo! English, SS, Chem, Bio, Physics and geog are done!
Only chinese and math now.
I am going to work really hard for math for ms tan (:
I am totally going shopping after exams. And im going to stuff my brain silly by watching all the movies and reading all the books that i've planned to.

I went for lunch at Cahaya at far east before the CMPS presentation and it was really good. Karen got me addicted on the sotong you tiao thing which i ate again today.

CMPS presentation was, i don't know, pretty horrible. I was like really terrified up there. I dont know if people could tell. dang. i thought open house was the last time i'd ever have to do it.

Ms Kong said it would be five minutes and there would be principlals and HODs from 4 schools. I didn't think that would add up to like almost a hundred people. (well it seemed like that much too me) *SCREAMS IN HORROR* I only realized how big a thing it was until i saw "FPSP SEMINAR AT CLC ON 4TH FLOOR" signs pasted on the pillars and saw some prefects in their formal ushering uniforms and saw a refreshment table and registration table and everything.

I've done fine presenting in front of tons of people before, like all those people at the CMPS spontaneous activity in colorado. But its because i had time for MENTAL PREPARATION. which is highly essential i must say. because like Gabriella from High School Musical, "I can't have people staring at me, i really can't".
But sometimes, public speaking is like the road block in The Amazing Race. You have to do it if you want to move on. So i have been surviving each harrowing public speaking experience by rehearsing them beforehand a gazillion times in my head so i don't clam up and keel over in front of the audience. if you never realised i was scared of public speaking, now you know. so kiss my toes. haha

I even forgot to imagine the people as watermelons. I wouldnt have tried to imagine them naked, which is what hannah said could be another alternative because it would
have just made me feel like throwing up more.

And i was like a total wreck after that even though it didnt get totally bad. Because now CMPS isn't just CMPS alone. It comes tied with memories; happy and sad, accomplishments and scars and host of other experiences that cannot be done justice to when translated into words. The presence of a certain unexpected and oddly recently inaccessible person also rendered my mind incapable of rational thought. Me, the yammering idiot, to some freakish stoning person. It's usually the other way round. hello, im the introvert here. this makes me sound like i have some kind of anti-social disease like asperger's or something. for the record, i do not.

i realise we're not like what we were before. and before isn't that long ago.
what happened? i don't know. but all i know is time and space have been warped in my memory.

this is a sign that i should get out more. shoe shopping maybe?
this is like being allergic to chocolate. feeling sick because you want something so much, and the only way to cure this is to get it, but once you get it, it makes you sick in the stomach.
it is like how i need people but in the words of shakespeare's romeo,
i am already "one too many by my weary self"


i got an ellejay by the way, for fun. add me. so far, i only know a grand total of four people in LJ land.

Posted by mic at 12:12 AM